Plans!!

Sunday morning our pastor spoke on three steps to start your day.  And I sat there and thought of all the things I was going to start doing.  My plan for today was to get up at 5:30, go running, get a shower, cook the kids breakfast and have plenty of time to enjoy our morning routine.  Let me tell you how my morning actually went.  I hit snooze til 630, threw on some clothes and a ball cap, made muffins, filled out forms that should have already been in their bookbags, jammed out to all our favorite songs, took pictures of kids that didn't want their pictures made and then blew up social media with them while we waited for the state trooper to direct traffic this morning.  There was no arguing. Lots of laughs, and the only thing we forgot was Halee's shot record that is still laying on the table.  For the first time ever, I didn't check supplies to see if they had everything they needed, I guess I let them be "big" for the first time.  I watched my senior pull out of the driveway knowing he will be headed out for good before I know it. I helped my baby put on makeup, and held back the tears. I asked Bailee 15 times if he had everything, and he looked at me like "mom, I got this!"  And I am sitting here in the quite, that I have been looking forward to, wishing for one more day of summer.  This morning didn't go as planned, but it was bittersweet! And I will try again tomorrow! :)

Changes..

"Sometimes you don't realize you are actually drowning, when you are trying to be everyone else's anchor."

The last several months have been tough for me.   I completely lost sight of who I was,  what my purpose in life was...felt like I was in a battle with my own self.   This week, I did something I have never done before...I went to the beach by myself...crappy weather...but I spent 24 hours completely alone.  And it gave me time to clear my head.  I think as a mom, it's hard to balance your family, your obligations, and still have room to fit yourself in there.  And I see now how important taking care of ME is...if mama's not happy, no one's happy! :)    I don't know if it's true for all women, but I know I add unnecessary stress on myself...ALOT of unnecessary stress! :)

I look at social media, and see women who seem to have it all together, who have had more than one kid, and still look like a swimsuit model in their family beach pics...and I'm over here looking through 150 pictures of the same pose, just trying to find one that doesn't make me feel ugly.    I have situations that I go through, and I lay in bed and stress out over how I can change someone, or change how they treat me...even though that's not my job.  Instead of teaching my kids responsibility and give them chores, I carry the load by myself, then stress because I can't get it done.  I go, go, go when sometimes it's ok to just say no.  

I realize there are going to be tough times, things that absolutely break you.  Times that it doesn't matter how hard you try, or how much of yourself you give, there are times it will never be enough.  And that's ok...it's okay to fall down seven times, as long as you get back up eight.  

   

:)