Plans!!

Sunday morning our pastor spoke on three steps to start your day.  And I sat there and thought of all the things I was going to start doing.  My plan for today was to get up at 5:30, go running, get a shower, cook the kids breakfast and have plenty of time to enjoy our morning routine.  Let me tell you how my morning actually went.  I hit snooze til 630, threw on some clothes and a ball cap, made muffins, filled out forms that should have already been in their bookbags, jammed out to all our favorite songs, took pictures of kids that didn't want their pictures made and then blew up social media with them while we waited for the state trooper to direct traffic this morning.  There was no arguing. Lots of laughs, and the only thing we forgot was Halee's shot record that is still laying on the table.  For the first time ever, I didn't check supplies to see if they had everything they needed, I guess I let them be "big" for the first time.  I watched my senior pull out of the driveway knowing he will be headed out for good before I know it. I helped my baby put on makeup, and held back the tears. I asked Bailee 15 times if he had everything, and he looked at me like "mom, I got this!"  And I am sitting here in the quite, that I have been looking forward to, wishing for one more day of summer.  This morning didn't go as planned, but it was bittersweet! And I will try again tomorrow! :)

Changes..

"Sometimes you don't realize you are actually drowning, when you are trying to be everyone else's anchor."

The last several months have been tough for me.   I completely lost sight of who I was,  what my purpose in life was...felt like I was in a battle with my own self.   This week, I did something I have never done before...I went to the beach by myself...crappy weather...but I spent 24 hours completely alone.  And it gave me time to clear my head.  I think as a mom, it's hard to balance your family, your obligations, and still have room to fit yourself in there.  And I see now how important taking care of ME is...if mama's not happy, no one's happy! :)    I don't know if it's true for all women, but I know I add unnecessary stress on myself...ALOT of unnecessary stress! :)

I look at social media, and see women who seem to have it all together, who have had more than one kid, and still look like a swimsuit model in their family beach pics...and I'm over here looking through 150 pictures of the same pose, just trying to find one that doesn't make me feel ugly.    I have situations that I go through, and I lay in bed and stress out over how I can change someone, or change how they treat me...even though that's not my job.  Instead of teaching my kids responsibility and give them chores, I carry the load by myself, then stress because I can't get it done.  I go, go, go when sometimes it's ok to just say no.  

I realize there are going to be tough times, things that absolutely break you.  Times that it doesn't matter how hard you try, or how much of yourself you give, there are times it will never be enough.  And that's ok...it's okay to fall down seven times, as long as you get back up eight.  

   

:)

2013

What a year...

Started my first year ever without my sweet mama by my side...

Was able to coach Bailee's last year of youth sports basketball, with Ethan as my assistant coach. Watched Halee as she enjoyed being back on the court for the first time since her accident!

Said goodbye to one of the sweetest ladies I ever knew...watched my husband's heart break just as mine had done a few months earlier...held my children as they questioned how they could lose 2 grandmothers in less than 3 months...

Celebrated my anniversary..during spring break...at the beach..with all four kids...

And my "future kids" ;)

Halee competed in her first "real" pageant...

And attended her first dance...and Bailee's last elementary dance..

Ethan attended camp at the University of Alabama...ROLL TIDE!!

Bailee played his first year of JV football...between both boys we got our football fix!

Lots of trips to the doctor for those knees...

Bailee played his first season on the JV basketball team...

Special guests at an Auburn football game...

And made it through Christmas!

And now it's time to do it all over again! Hope this year only holds good things for my family.   I hope to work on "me" more...draw closer to God most importantly...be a better wife, and show my husband each day how much he means to me. Be a better mom...and have more patience and understanding with my kids...teach them more about Jesus, pray with them more, help mold them into kinder, more generous people. Be a better friend.  Make a difference in someone's life...remember that I am second, and live it. :) 

A new school year!!

What a dreary summer it has been!! I'm sure there were only a few days we didn't fight the rain! :( but we still managed to have a pretty great summer!  As soon as school was out, Bailee got braces! 

 

And we took a mini-vacation to Wild Adventures with the whole crew!  

Ethan went to basketball camp at the University of Alabama! Roll Tide!!

And Audrey celebrated her 19th Birthday!! 

We managed to slip in one last beach trip!

And now we are BACK TO SCHOOL!!

Halee is in 5th...

Bailee is in 7th!

Ethan is a Junior!! 

And Audrey is in her second year of college!

And my favorite part about the kids going back to school...I get days like today...a day with just me and my husband!  Those days are few and far between!! Blessed!!

Almost summertime!

I love how I read someone's blog, and realize that it has been months since I have blogged about anything! ;)

I thought that surely after my mom passed, things would eventually get back to a somewhat "normal" routine...I was wrong!! Three months later, my mother-in-law passed in a tragic car accident.  And it completely sent our world turning upside down all over again.  

I think that until you lose a parent, you can't possibly begin to understand the emptiness you can feel inside.  I, for one, feel a lot more alone in this big world. A sense of security is no longer there.  Most days I feel like the world is spinning round, yet I am at a standstill.  Somedays are easier than others...and after six months of bad, I am beyond ready for summer to be here!

The last few months have been full of us being crazy busy!

Halee competed in her first "real" pageant. She didn't win, or place, but she did receive two of the best awards...most photogenic and congeniality...which made me just as proud as if she would have walked away with the crown. 

Also Halee attended her first SGA dance, and Bailee attended his last. :( They are growing up too fast!

Derrick and I celebrated our 11 year Anniversary. Love, love, love this man!

In a non-traditional anniversary trip, we spent it with all four kids, two of them brought their boyfriend/girlfriend, at the beach, during Spring Break! 

Six kids (at one point, 7 kids)...I thought it would be chaos..but it turned out fabulous!

Then we went in to full baseball mode, and that pretty much consumed our weekdays! Proud of their accomplishments...but so thankful I get some week nights at home, instead of the ball field! ;)

Ethan attended his first prom. It was his girlfriends Jr Prom, and they were the cutest couple ever! ;) 

He is so handsome...just like his dad!! ;). And if by some off chance, Bailee were to attend prom his 9-10 grade years as someone's date...we will have 11 straight years of prom...that's a lot of proms! ;)

And now we are less than two weeks til summer break... I'm ready!! And though our summer is already planned out...I'm thankful there will be more time to enjoy my family and less "run, run, run"....ahhh sweet summertime!

Where do we go from here?

A few weeks ago, I was sooooo excited for the holidays...couldn't wait to start dragging my Christmas decorations out one box at a time...a friend made my mom and I these cute door hangers...and we were both super excited to hang them on our doors. Now...I don't feel too much like decorating. I just don't understand how one moment my mom was fine, and the next she was gone. I know she had fought a long time...but I needed more time. I know it is selfish...and I am glad she isn't suffering anymore. I just really don't know where to go from here...

What a year...

So...I noticed it has only been almost a year since my last post....and my what a year it has been!
Last November started out great!! We took a family vacation to Orlando. We took the kids to LegoLand and Seaworld..and it was fabulous. We really enjoyed ourselves. I guess God was preparing us for what was about to happen. November 23, 2011...my what a crazy day. Spent most of the day helping my parents get things ready for Thanksgiving. Bailee and Halee decided to spend the night with my parents so I could finish my grocery shopping. So I had plenty of time to get my house cleaned...laundry done...not sure at this point what I was preparing for...but felt the need to have everything done. Derrick was working out of town and would miss Thanksgiving Day...so I stayed up half the night getting everything finished. The next day the kids wanted to stay at my parents while I was cooking. I took our Ranger to them so they could ride since they were bored. By lunch time, the whole family rolled in and of course the kids hurried through lunch so they could rush back out to play. My parents have a pond a couple hundred yards behind their house, and they wanted to ride down to it, and turn around and come back. My gut instinct was no...mainly because I could mentally picture my brand new ranger sinking slowly in the pond....but since their older cousin was riding with them, I gave in. The next few hours are somewhat of a blur. I know that Bailee and Halee dropped my niece off at the house to use the restroom....halfway on their trip to the pond they realized they forgot to go back and get her....so they tried to turn around...I don't know what happened exactly...may never know...but in a frantic effort to get help...Bailee slid out from under the ranger and ran to the house for help. Our Black Friday shopping list was interrupted by the door flying open and Bailee standing there screaming "Halee...Ranger...Woods"...my heart literally sank to my stomach. I ran as fast as I could screaming her name until I turned a corner and saw that ranger on its side...when I could see all four wheels and didn't hear her...I knew I didn't want to see what was on the other side. My brother and I were the first ones to her and he lifted the ranger off of her (absolute adrenaline).... She was blue and not breathing....but my sister took over and by the time everyone got to her, shallow breaths were being made. After what seemed like hours, actually only about 20 minutes, she was loaded up and taken to meet a helicopter. After being flown to Dothan, she was then airlifted to Children's Hospital in Birmingham. Derrick met me in Dothan and I believe that trip from Dothan to Birmingham was one of the longest. It would be complete silence for a long time, followed by praying, followed by sobbing, then silence again. Then to hear those doctors say time after time that your child probably isn't going to make it through the night....a parents worst nightmare. But with GOD's grace, she made it through. And so far 2012 has been a year of trips back and forth to Birmingham. All of this completely changed our life. I think that for those who weren't there...you don't realize how bad she was...but knowing what I know and seeing what I saw, then to see her now...she is a modern day miracle. And that has brought us to where we are today...living life to the fullest..trying to enjoy every moment. Love the people God gave you...he will need them back one day!