Where do we go from here?

A few weeks ago, I was sooooo excited for the holidays...couldn't wait to start dragging my Christmas decorations out one box at a time...a friend made my mom and I these cute door hangers...and we were both super excited to hang them on our doors. Now...I don't feel too much like decorating. I just don't understand how one moment my mom was fine, and the next she was gone. I know she had fought a long time...but I needed more time. I know it is selfish...and I am glad she isn't suffering anymore. I just really don't know where to go from here...